I wish when I shrugged my shoulders , the word "shrug" would flash adjacent to my body.

Tuesday 5/21/2013
8 25pm
 
We had a good day.
It was the best we've had in awhile.
We didn't fight at all.
I had an early orthodontist appointment so I went over afterwards.
I got us chinese food.
We played coin dozer together.
And we watched 300.
We had ice cream for dinner and went to the park for a bit,
until the bugs drove us back home.
And we just talked.
We had the best sex we've had in a long time too.
I don't know if it was the heat or the fact that's it'd been awhile but damn.
I stayed over and ended up skipping school today.
He made me pancakes.
We watched law and order svu.
And played with the kittens.
I would have stayed all day again but he had plans.
To hang out with her.
I tried to get him to ditch her but whatever.
I needed to come home.
I refuse to hang out with her.
Besides, its not like they were like hey lets hang out with Kelly.
It would've been oh yeah you can hang out with us now that I've thought about it.
No.
Besides, me and my mom got red lobster.
After the beach, he'll have to chose to continue to be friends with her or stay with me.
I want her gone.
I want more happy days.
And we can't have that with her around.
We need more happy days.

Sunday 5/19/2013
9 40pm
 
I decided to start dating my sets.
I hope we'll get married someday.
Haha just kidding oh god I'm a loser.
Anyways.
Polyvore doesn't put the date on sets so when I go back and look at old ones it's impossible for me to figure out when it was.
So this way it'll be more clear.
The grad party turned out to be boring.
But I got marshmallows at least.
And me and Sam are becoming good friends.
I met her parents and chilled at her house for two hours.
I'm still not sure if she's the best friend I've been looking for.
I doubt it.
Her and I are both recessive people, and I tend to need a more dominant friend.
We'll see.
Even if she doesn't make it to best friend status I think we'll get pretty close.
We both have all the same boy troubles and hate all the same people.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
So there's that.
I'm trying to go back to my up for anything policy.
I think I'll experience more that way.
However, today I took a day for myself.
After work, which turned out to be a good day,
I stopped at Target to see Zac,
got a Whopper and coke slushie,
ate them at home,
got my cleaning done,
and the rest of the evening I've been on the computer.
Most importantly without pants.
Now I'm just jamming to Beyonce and trying not to fall asleep.
I never did get to take a nap today.
I don't have much else to say.
:p

This whole being social thing is a pain in my ass.
Yes I want friends blah blah blah.
But today?
Today I just want to watch movies in my room without pants.
Not to mention I wasn't invited to this party.
I'm going with someone who was.
Which feels..like I shouldn't really be there.
But I'm going and maybe I'll like it.
Besides, all I've done today is sit here at work doing nothing.
It's been really slow.
And now it's raining.
Things with Zac are alright.
I keep picking fights.
Maybe because I get my period soon or something.
I need to stop.
I just haven't been myself lately.

I'm worried my window for finding the kind of best friend I want is closing.
I want the attached at the hip kind.
The kind you call when you don't know what to where.
The kind you can have an open door and fridge policy with.
The kind that knows you better than you know yourself.
And the main key to that kind of best friend is history.
The longer you've known someone the better.
My problem with that is I've tried being best friends with the ones I have that sort of history with.
But there's always something.
One has another best friend.
One screwed me over too many times.
One is weird.
And the other smells.
I don't have a whole lot of options here.
I did read a book, MWF Seeking BFF.
It was basically about a girl looking for a new best friend.
The big thing I learned was follow ups.
Which is my downfall.
I did just start hanging out with this girl who genuinely seems to want to be my friend.
She even texted me today.
But I don't know about her.
It was probably only awkward because it was the first time we ever hung out.
Hopefully some sort of friendship comes out of it, even if it is just thrift shopping buddies.
I'm terribly lonely when it comes to girl friends.
It's kind of funny.
Last year I had all the friends I could have wanted and they were always making plans with me, but I didn't have a boyfriend.
Now I have a boyfriend and my friend count has dropped significantly.
Let's cross our fingers for more of an equal balance.

I'm exhausted.
I slept really well last night.
I'm not sure if it was Zac sleeping next to me or the glass of wine.
Regardless it was amazing.
Tomorrow I'm going thrift shopping with a potential new friend.
I'm excited and nervous.
I've never really hung out with her, let alone by myself.
She even offered to pick me up, which is awesome.
Other than that I've just been trying to get through school.
I have ten days left.
That's it.
So my attention span is even worse.
As a matter of fact I believe I had homework.
I should care.
Is apathetic the word for not caring?
I think so.
I am that.
Too tired for sentences.
Need sleep.
Goodnight(:

I forgot to mention this in the last set.
Yesterday was prom.
I'll be posting some pictures on my tumblr if anyone cares to see them.
I had a pretty good time.
It was better than I expected.
And the best part was that I actually felt really pretty.
His face when he saw me made it all worth it.
He looked at me with eyes that said he was going to rip the dress off when we would be alone.
It was fun getting all dressed up and acting fancy.
We went to the park everyone goes to for pictures.
That was fun too.
I don't think I'm in a whole lot of pictures but I like the ones I am in.
I didn't really dance much but I almost never dance.
I do wish me and Zac would have slow danced at least once, but he was having issues with his suit.
They messed up his measurements.
The food was decent too.
We had chicken cordon blue.
And for dessert I got cheesecake, which was to die for.
We had a really good table to.
Everyone was happy and fun.
The only downside was that we were supposed to be having an after prom party but no one could actually come.
So we basically just went back to Zac's and got drunk alone.
I don't know what I was expecting.
Okay yes I do.
I wanted to party.
Really bad.
So of course it wouldn't happen.
Surprisingly enough, when I woke up this morning my hair and makeup still looked pretty good.
Oh, and Happy Mother's Day :)

I started watching this series a few weeks ago.
I finally finished it the other night.
It was absolutely amazing.
It was clever and funny and emotional.
The only flaw is the fact that there won't a fifth season.
And the way it ended was so sad.
I cried.
Now I need to find something else to watch.
Maybe I'll start watching all the movies on my watch list.
Oh well :p

I did a lot of thinking on my way home from school today.
I'm bored.
Not with my relationship or anything.
Just life.
I'm bored of the same old things and the same old people.
I need to get out of this town.
It's suffocating me.
Or maybe I just need to party.
That would help too.
I'm just tired of school and work and life.
At school I spend most of the day quiet.
I have almost no one to talk to.
I did.
But she stopped talking to me.
I'm annoying I guess.
And I don't see any of my other friends at all.
Maybe if I had a facebook people would talk to me.
Probably not.
I guess I'm just lonely.
I haven't seen Zac since Monday afternoon.
I miss him.
He's been skyping me every night but it isn't the same.
Maybe I'll stop by Target to see him tomorrow.
I have a few things to buy for prom and stuff.
And a bra to return.
I do have a worry I just thought of.
What if college isn't what I hope?
What if I'm the same girl?
The quiet one no one notices.
I suck at making new friends.
I had hoped the college would be where I found my new best friend.
I am in desperate need of one.
It was supposed to be Zac but no.
I just don't want to not have friends.
I want to have fun and be carefree.
Why can't life just be easy?

Prom is Saturday.
I'm worried it won't go well.
I put my dress on again the other day.
It didn't looked as good as I remembered..
I felt huge in it.
I'm afraid everyone's going to look great and I won't.
And I don't even know what to do with my hair.
I cut it too short so the french braid ideas I had are shot.
I don't know.
My expectations are too high.
It doesn't help that I'm sick.
That always makes me a little crazy.
Nothing else is really going on.
Zac works.
I go to school.
I did see Maggie at school today.
That was nice.
I miss her all the time.
I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to be cool or anything;
but I want to party.
I want to be drunk and happy and not worry.
School is almost done and I'm so stressed.
I need to relax.
Bleh.
I made it through season three of Secret Diary of a Call Girl.
I want to watch one more episode but I really should go to bed..

His family forgot to pick him up from work yesterday.
He sat outside waiting for two hours.
Me and mom ended up picking him it.
It was after 11 by the time I got him home.
I was so sick I decided to just stay and leave for school in the morning.
I do it all the time.
I decided to bring up how I needed to feel more wanted and it went nowhere.
I was going to just go home.
He heard me crying and asked me to stay.
I'm really glad he did.
I was a mess; crying and snotting all over, being sick and all.
But we reached a middle ground.
I feel like he really heard me this time.
Then I had the best sleep I've had in awhile.
The only downside, sort of, was sleeping through my alarm clock.
I missed school and spent the morning with Zac in bed.
He took care of me.
It was so sweet.
He made me tea and we watched youtube videos.
And he made me soup while I got to play with the kittens.
It was lovely.
I wish we could spend everyday like that.
Well, without me being sick.
In the afternoon I had to come home.
I tried on my prom dress with my shoes.
The length is perfect.
I just need body shapers so I don't look huge.
I spent the rest of the evening watching the Secret Diary of a Call Girl.
It is my new obsession.
I wish I could keep watching and skip school again.
But I have to go.
I only have a few weeks left.
A little over two to be exact.
I'm losing my will to go.
Okay, I'm sneezing again and need sleep.
Night:p